Why Did He Kill Himself?

His name is Jacques Mayol, a diver. He was born in 1927 in Shanghai. In beginning of the war, he went to Marseilles, his hometown. Then, he helped the poor condition of his family with his brother, Pierre, by diving and fishing. When Jacques was 21, he and Pierre went to journey to Europe. In that place, Jacques fell in love and he had a daughter. After that, they went on Canada and America. Jacques met a dolphin named Crown in the aquarium in which he worked. It is fantastic meeting for him. After this meeting, he insisted on his theory “The dolphin man”. Its theory could be connected to his thought; the justice of right of all animals and the global environmental preservation. When he became a champion of free diving in Bahama, he surprised people by his record. It was 105 m. In the course of time, a movie, “The Grand Blue”, which the main character is modeled on Jacques, was made.

Jacques Mayol is my hero. He had many friends and supporters all over the world and he spent his life with the sea which he loved the most. He lived as he wanted. I have been thinking that I want to live my life as him so I was very shocked when I heard about his death. He committed suicide by hanging himself in 2001 when he was 74 years old. People lamented his death, and of course, I also did. “Why?” I thought. “Why did he kill himself? He must have been happy. He had a title of the champion of free diving and had been surrounded with his friends, brother and dolphins by the sea. Why did the man who so loved the sea and was loved by sea decide to die?” It was possible that he despaired of his old body or starved of affection but I didn’t understand him even I read the book written by him or his brother.

Last summer, I had a license of scuba diver because I thought I would understand the reason he committed suicide if I see the sight that Jacques had been looking once by my eyes. That place which he finally reached even separated his wife and family is so tempting or fascinating? In fact, the blue I saw was very beautiful. It was so beautiful that I forgot how to breathe. Fish, seashells, rocks, coral, sunlight, everything was bright. But the thing I felt the most beautiful was the surface which I looked up from water. I had a very strange feeling that I was floating around blue which has no sound, no air, no gravity and no sky. I was seeing creatures swimming freely in the restraint which we call water. Has he been tired of looking at the sight? Could not he have already loved it? Or, did he want to be with the sea forever through the death?

“I’m tired. I’m not interested in anything. I’m weary of acting a nonexistent Santa Claus.” Jacques said to Pierre before he died. I couldn’t believe that he said it all at once because I thought he was a very curious man. Pierre said that Jacques’s character is quite difference between the real and the movie. “Santa Claus” would mean his image expected by people. The many youth respected him as a god, but I think he couldn’t stand the pressure and he thought he was misunderstood by other people, and finally he might have fell into misanthropy. He didn’t go out of his house gradually and he was killing himself little by little. He lived as he followed his curiosity but maybe he exhausted himself by living hard. Ultimately he killed himself just like the story of “Martin Eden” written by Jack London. This book was his life’s bible. I’m sure that his thought is understood by only himself or dolphins.

That floating silhouette will never die in the grand blue. I believe that the man who loved sea and dolphins went forth the deep sea to meet dolphins. The blue world was like heaven. I want to meet dolphins in the water someday.